


on the verge

by rnadoka



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 22:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13821000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rnadoka/pseuds/rnadoka
Summary: "Almost" was such an unsatisfying word.





	on the verge

**Author's Note:**

> ik this is all over the place, i'm sorry ;; i was just bored haha.

If Yamaguchi had to pick a word that hurt, one that made him feel like everything was utterly hopeless, that word would be "almost."  
  
There are, of course, good connotations with the word "almost." A mother, teaching her child how to walk: "You're almost there, just another couple of steps!" Friends reuniting after ages of being apart: "You're almost here? I miss you, I can't wait!" Someone about to win a relay: "Go, go, you're almost to the finish line!"  
  
But there were also bad connotations with the word.  
A boy fails his test: "You almost got a passing grade." A girl being excluded: "We almost invited you." A father who dies: "We almost saved him." Almost, almost, almost; but never enough.  
  
Yamaguchi felt that he should describe himself as "almost." He was almost enough to become a regular, he was almost enough to get a scholarship, he was almost enough to keep his family from falling apart. But he wasn't quite there.  
  
When Yamaguchi would look at his family, his teammates, he felt inadequately placed. Was he really supposed to be here? Everyone on the team had a place it seemed but Yamaguchi just stood awkwardly to the side of them all, slightly out of place and synch. He knew he made the team look odd and unbalanced when he stepped onto the court, forcing them to make do with what he offered. With the puny amount he gave them, when they gave it their all.  
  
As Yamaguchi laced his gym shoes, he made a decision: this practice would be his last. He knew he held back the team severely and that they'd be better off without him. They'd have more time to perfect the close to perfect team they had. As Yamaguchi played, he didn't make much of an effort; if they thought he didn't care, maybe they wouldn't make it a big deal about him quitting, about him being a coward. Before he realized, Daichi called out that practice was over and everyone could leave once the equipment was cleaned up. The least Yamaguchi could do was help clean up the mess he had made.  
  
As his walk home started, he breathed heavily as Tsukishima walked besides him. Yamaguchi stole a look to Tsukishima, glancing at the headphones atop his head. 'Those things are so clunky,' he breathed out a small smile. 'I'm going to miss walking home with them.' He stared at Tsukishima's face, letting details soak into his mind; his short wispy hair that rested against his forehead, his slightly up-turned nose, his long eyelashes.  
  
As if it were meant to be, Tsukishima's eyes met Yamaguchi's. Yamaguchi stopped walking, his eyes trying desperately to not water; he was going to miss him so much. Tsukishima stopped in front of him, his small nose scrunching and his eyebrows narrowing. "Why are you staring at me like a wife of 40 years would?" Yamaguchi immediately zeroed in on his own fidgeting hands, muttering out a quiet apology. Tsukishima clicked his tongue slightly and motioned for Yamaguchi to walk beside him again, ignoring Yamaguchi's odd ticks.  
  
Yamaguchi sidled up to him, his hands still fidgeting in his jacket pockets. As the bend where they separated came up, Yamaguchi's heart flew into his throat. Should he really go through with this? Wouldn't anyone miss him? Wouldn't Tsukishima miss him? He swallowed as Tsukishima deviated to go left while Yamaguchi stayed to the right. He stood at the bend, looking desperately at Tsukishima's back, not knowing himself well enough to say it'd be his last glance of his best friend. Tsukishima kept walking, and as he started to turn the next corner out of Yamaguchi's sight, he stopped. He stared back at Yamaguchi, his own stomach clenching.  
  
"You're enough for me, Tadashi," he bellowed out, his chest filling. Yamaguchi's eyes welled up and his emotions seemed to fly out. He takes a deep, shaking breath and shouts back to Tsukishima. "Thank you, Kei!" His voice cracks and warbles as he throws himself into a firm but quick bow. As he dashes away, Tsukishima is left alone with the light of the setting sun. He's glad he got the message to Yamaguchi. He had almost forgot.


End file.
